Anger Management

Every news channel or newspaper that I look at these days has this four letter word splashed all over, R-A-P-E. I’m not just talking about the Delhi Nirbhaya/Amanat gang rape story. There are new cases every day of sexual harassment, molestation and/or rape. And no, surprising as it may sound to some, these cases are not restricted to Delhi alone! While north India may seem to be the epicentre for these crimes, the problem, and hence, the solution are definitely nation-wide. However, this post is not about what that solution should be. This post is merely about reactions of the people against these crimes.

What the Delhi gang rape incident managed to do was to get the youth across India onto the streets, collectively protesting against something they felt strongly about. The last such endeavour I remember was the Anna Hazare anti-corruption movement. Unfortunately, both these movements seem to have wavered after what seemed to be steps in the right direction. While the Hazare-Kejriwal movement ended with in-fighting that the ‘aam aadmi’ didn’t much care for, the anti-rape protest in Delhi was nothing short of a violent riot. To top it all, there are rumours that some women in the rally were actually groped by drunken male protestors! As the saying goes, ‘It happens only in India!’

Of course, I am sure that Delhi Police did its fair share in turning this seemingly peaceful protest march into the havoc that we saw on TV with its tear gas, water cannons and lathi charge onslaught. To make matters worse, unresponsive remarks by the people in power instigated the crowds even more. The crowds were screaming out their opinion but nobody seemed to be listening, nobody seemed to be taking responsibility – pretty much like our Call Centres! Naturally, sustained anger without any cajoling or a concrete response from the government was bound to boil over into something dramatic. And surely enough, there was violence – stones being pelted, police personnel being assaulted, vehicles being smashed. It is ironic that folks demanding stronger laws and punishment against thugs had turned into thugs themselves.

For the folks who couldn’t be a part of the protest, the obvious outlet was social networking sites. All through last week, I was shocked to see Facebook status messages, page shares and likes from the people around me. Educated and normal, everyday people demanding atrocious sentences to be delivered upon the rapists – stoning, public hanging and the like. People were quoting examples of what happens to sexual offenders in Saudi Arabia and North Korea. There were even graphic images being circulated across social forums of battered and bloodied men being dragged through the streets of Iran, of men who were simply left to the mercy of the public. Yes, we were outraged at the Delhi incident and are angry beyond belief. The rapists deserve nothing less than the capital punishment – I agree! But do we really want India to turn into an Afghanistan or an Iraq?

Kaun Banega Rashtrapati?

The on-going presidential polls have turned into quite a mockery. Names of random individuals are being spewed out by political parties from every corner of the country as the next possible rashtrapati. Among all this chaos, our government sits helpless in their bid to please every Tom, Dick and Bengali that crosses their path. The bane of coalition politics, I suppose! The whole situation reminds me of an unauthoritative mother not being able to control her pesky, tantrum-throwing kids. Soniaji, a good spanking is in order!


I was pleasantly surprised that nobody has come up with Anna Hazare as a possible candidate (yet). However, come to think of it, making Anna president would be the perfect cover for Congress, wouldn’t it? The Lokpal bill would finally see the light of day. If my Social Studies lectures from Class 8th serve me right, Anna would only be able to reject the Congress version once, post which, he would have no say in the matter. Also, Anna becoming President suits Team Anna perfectly - they can then continue to create a hulla without doing any actual work. Only downside is that because of the powers that come with the job along with his Gandhian demeanour, Anna would have to pardon all death sentences in the country.

Anyway, the Twitterati seems to be really enjoying all the commotion right now. One of the really funny tweets that I read was “Let’s make Pranab Mukherjee the President. That way, Manmohan Singh can be the Finance Minister again. The PM post can remain vacant because there is no decision that the PM takes these days anyway.” Omar Abdullah, too, joined the bandwagon with “I’m tempted to throw my hat in the ring for President. I couldn’t possibly muddy the waters more than they are.” The comment makes me wonder about alternate candidates, and how things would turn out at Rashtrapati Bhavan:

1. Baba Ramdev – he would be the first person in world history to be the Head and Foot of State depending upon which end was pointing up at the time.

2. Sachin Tendulkar – during his tenure, Rashtrapati Bhavan would be shut down for the first time since it was built. Well, I’m just guessing here that he will turn down government-provided accommodation, MP or President.

3. Vidya Balan – this self-proclaimed bombshell with her ‘typical Indian curves’ will have the pervs of Indian politics listening to (or at least watching) her in rapt attention - something poor Pratibha Patil could never manage.

4. Sri Sri Ravi Shankar – India will stop hosting delegates and foreign dignitaries for tea at Rashtrapati Bhavan because Sri Sri Ravi Shankar just tells everybody to give up tea!

5. Arnab Goswami – the Indian media, and us viewers, would be better off with this joker locked up behind the heavily guarded gates of the presidential abode.

At the moment, who will take up this prestigious, albeit rubber-stamp, position still remains a huge mystery. But thanks to the media hullabaloo about the ‘all party meetings’ and the didi-bhaiyya cajoling, I am sick and tired to the point of not giving two hoots of who finally becomes India’s thirteenth President. By the way, I don’t remember any hungama when Pratibha Patil was made President? Who died and made her queen?

Hairy Tales

What’s with the sudden trend of changing hair styles that has come over the Indian cricket players? I know it’s a new season of the IPL, and players are looking to attract prospective next-season buyers. Trying to achieve cult status with their cool hairdos and charming their way to the big bucks. But, in most cases, it is turning out to be a bad hair month!

I am averse to change in general, more so, when it comes to hair styles. I’ve had all of two hair styles in the 31 years of my life. One was a pre-mundan look where I sported 2 ponytails. I have no clue as to why a slight trim wasn’t the norm back in the day. The second, which has lasted the last 28 years, is exactly the same hair style that my dad has – the fauji side parting look. The logic is simple. Why mess with perfection? Moreover, I have a maintenance-free hairdo and I don’t need to spend half an hour on my hair to appear like I’ve just gotten out of bed!

Apparently, the cricketers don’t seem to agree with my logic. Case in point, Sachin Tendulkar. I still remember watching him hammering the Pakistani bowlers as a 16 year old curly haired boy. He, like me, too maintained the same hair style all these years. Wonder what convinced him to switch over to this new straight-haired look that he is sporting these days. Did he lose a bet? Did Anjali grow tired of his curls? Did he get hair plugs? I wonder!

Then there is Saurav Ganguly. He, definitely, has to have lost a bet. I can’t, for the life of me, find a suitable alternate explanation. Or maybe his new found mop of hair is just the beginning of a massive comb-over? Possible. His hair flying around in the Pune evening breeze reminds me of weathervanes placed on top of old houses to determine the direction of the wind!

Third, Zaheer Khan. The poor chap has gone through so many style changes, probably, just to keep up with his famous beau. His latest avatar is a weird combination of straight hair in the front and luscious curls at the back. If he just concentrated on his bowling instead of these countless makeovers, he would probably get hammered around the park a lot lesser. I’m sure Isha Sharwani would much rather have India’s bowling spearhead by her side than a she-man with a perm.

Anyway, here’s hoping that sanity prevails and normal hair styles return to cricket. Guys, leave the metro-sexual hairdos to Bollywood, and do what you do best – play cricket!