Hiber-nation!!!

Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could do what polar bears can – EAT EAT EAT when you’ve got food lying around and then live off the fat when you’re too lazy to get up and fend for more! Oh sure, I know their exercise is more out of necessity than laziness. But come on, think about it! Imagine if you could gorge on chocolate mousse all you wanted…didn’t need to stop yourself from hogging that extra cheese burger…didn’t have to think twice about downing the ice cream that’s been lying in your freezer for God knows how long? No gymming required! Want to lose some weight? Just go on the trusted ‘hibernation diet’!

Evolution, you know! Charles Darwin would agree that its possible! Imagine how different life would be if humans developed the art / science of hibernation! Imagine if the story of that Dennis Quaid flick ‘Day After Tomorrow’ were to come true! Snow everywhere. Not enough food to go around. A few hundreds of years into that lifestyle, humans might develop these skills! Or even look at the movie Wall-E for that matter. Imagine those fat tubs of lard that were floating around in zero gravity, having the robots doing all their work while they gained a quintal or two by sitting around sipping on chocolate shakes all the time. If nature were to allow humans to live off their own fat, imagine the altercations that the phenomenon could have. I mean, with our sedentary lifestyles, its half the battle won already. All we need now, is ability to burn fat and convert it to energy to sustain life over a longer period of time!

I’m sure the ability to hibernate would be a huge hit with us humans! I can imagine how well we would accept hibernation into our lifestyles. My guess is that there would be 2 categories of stocking up on calories that we would adopt – there’d be the ‘short-term binge’ and the ‘long-term massacre’! Examples:
- Low on self-esteem after being stood up on your third date in a row? Go in for the Haagen Dazs short-term binge.
- Heard the news on world’s chocolate supplies coming to an end – go for the home run! Finish off the stock of goodies lying in your fridge where the vegetables were actually supposed to be!
- India wins the World Cup? Well, that could qualify for both categories actually considering the fact that it took our team 28 years to win it the second time around!

The potential advantages of such an evolution are huge, quite like what our waistlines would be! Snacking would become a religion! Its 4 pm? Hungry? Bring on the pancakes, the chocolate milkshake and that extra greasy steak. Yup, that should hold you till dinner! Tea breaks would be passé. ‘High Tea’ would simply be renamed to ‘High Calorie’! So, yeah, the advantages – no more frozen foods! If you’re going to the North Pole for an expedition, just eat non-stop for a month! Live off the cakes and cookies you ate back home. Going to Kerala for a holiday and can’t stand the smell of coconut oil in your food? No problem! Load up on mummy’s desi ghee food at home instead! Suffering from high cholesterol? You got it, it’s the hibernation diet for a month again!

Of course there’s a downside to hibernation as well! No more well-chiselled 6 pack (or 8 depending on your SRK / Aamir preference) abs! Maybe John Abraham wouldn’t be able to do his famous Dostana undie shots at the drop of a hat – or actually at the drop of his pants! Maybe Shiela and her jawani would be worth putting on display only once every couple of months! Or maybe it’s the eating disorder that gets Munni badnaam! Of course, one would also have to expand one’s wardrobe exponentially! No, I don’t suggest that everyone get maternity pants! Just that one would need different sets of pants for pre-, during- and post-hibernation days!

Well, it’s a different issue altogether that some people around us already seem to think that humans can hibernate!! Look at Jayalalitha – there’s no way she isn’t preparing for the ice age! Look at most of the filmy Kapoor khaandan! Yeah yeah, I know I’m being insensitive to the obese…no wait…what’s the socially acceptable term for obese now? Gravitationally favoured? No, that can’t be right! PHAT? Nah, I ain’t cool enough pull off that lingo! American??? No, that’s not it either! Anyway, you get my drift!