Daaru, Firang Aur Kovalam

Just another weekend with the guys, beer is flowing at its usually brisk pace. Someone, probably Tambi, brings up this topic – “What’s your favourite holiday spot?” Tambi has this knack of getting nostalgic around the end of the second pitcher. The first reaction is from the now slightly tipsy Gupta, “Abbey! Phir shuru ho gaya? Saale ko aur daaru mat do!”. Guptaji, standing at a little over 5 feet, is what you would call a big mouth! He likes to speak his mind, which more often than not, lands him into slightly awkward situations. But, let’s not get into that one right now!

There’s silence. Its not because we’re all lost in deep thought, but more so, because we’re all hoping that Tambi might forget about the whole thing and just drink his Goddamn beer! But, hell no! Tambi wouldn’t let go. So, after a few groans and about a million profanities later, we do go into deep thought.

“Maldives, Mauritius, Amsterdam!” Pranav is the first one to speak up. Pranav happens to be a year senior to us, and thanks to the company funds, has been traveling around the world. We’ve all heard his stories on the nude beaches in Europe, magnificent architecture in Germany and not to forget, the intricate details of every airport that he’s ever been to. We’re all in awe, hoping that our turn to bask in the glory of foreign travel on company expense will come soon too.

“Italy is really beautiful too!” adds Nilu. Nilu is what you’d call an encyclopedia of sorts. Not really a drinker, but, he’s high 24/7 and alcohol usually has nothing to do with it. Get him started on the double helical structure of DNA and you will live to regret it! Nilu has also traveled quite a bit, so he too keeps enlightening us.

“Abbey chup!” says our rather vocal fat boy from Khandwa, Ciby. “Saale, Malad se aage gaye nahin hain, aur tum Mauritius aur Italy ki baatein kar rahe ho! Apne ko to Goa pasand hai!”. Ciby, is actually a mallu who was born and brought up in Madhya Pradesh. So, what we effectively have here is a profound mixture of the Kerala pot belly to go with the MP lingo.

“Hmmm…Goa!!!” I start thinking of the trips to the Goan beaches of Pallolem, Vagator, Bogmollo and Bagha. “Kya item hoti hain udhar!” Hey, wait a minute, I’m turning nostalgic too. Is it the beer or is Tambi’s condition contagious?

“Seriously? Did you see any good firang babes there?” I feel a tap on my shoulder, and another, and yet another! “Has to be Mayank! Stop tapping on my shoulder before I pour down this glass of chilled beer over your head!”, I say to myself. But, of course I have to restrain myself from doing so. After all, beer doesn’t come cheap!

That’s the thing about our flat! We have a weird mix of guys, from Mr. ‘Want-to-know’ Mayank to Mr. ‘Know-it-all’ Nilu, from the strong silent type Tambi to the ded futiya (1 and a half feet tall) big mouth Guptaji. But, somehow, we survive!

“Yeah! Full on, man! The Goan beaches are loaded with firangs! Topless and all too!”. One does tend to exaggerate just a tad to appear cool, right? It’s human tendency, not my fault! I go on as Mayank listens in rapt attention, “Beer in the shacks, babes on the beaches and seafood to die for, that’s Goa for you!”.

“Yaar! Agli salary se hum sab Goa chalte hain!” Mayank seems mesmerized. Gosh! Two beers down and I can sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo!

The door bell rings. Who do we have here? Its Deepak and Pawan, seniors who have traveled far and wide too, again on company dough!

“What’s up guys? Do you want to go out somewhere or just want to waste a perfectly good Sunday chugging down beer at home?” asks Pawan. Chugging down beer and wasting a Sunday used in the same sentence, we all wonder! You must’ve guessed by now, Pawan doesn’t drink!

“Chalo! Where do you want to go? Let’s go to the beach!” so, Tambi is still awake, eh?

“Fine! Well guys, get ready to be dazzled! We’re taking you to Kovalam!” says the most eligible mallu bachelor in town, Deepak Nayar.

About 20 kilometers and about 10 gallons of sweat later, voila! We’ve finally reached! “Breathtaking!”, “Awesome!”, “Mast hai yaar!”. Each one of us is impressed.

“Abbey oye Puri, woh dekh!” shouts Guptaji, pointing to the hordes of tourists. “Firang!!!!”. Our jaws drop! If you’ve seen the Jim Carey flick, ‘The Mask’, you’ll know what I’m talking about! This was no less than the ‘Coco Bongo’!
The combination is just purrrrrrfect! Daaru, Firang aur Kovalam!