Osama bin laid(en) to rest!!!

Osama’s no more! Well, it took USA 10 years and a dozen wars to finally get the better of Osama Bin Laden! And to tell you the truth, the first I heard of US navy seals killing of Osama in Pakistan, my thoughts went out to ‘Noore’ from the movie Tere Bin Laden! Maybe they actually killed off a kookar (chicken) loving Punjabi Osama look-alike instead of the real thing! Actually, that thought isn’t completely out of my mind yet! Even to the average Indian (you know, accustomed to seeing brown skin everyday), any dude with a turban and a long beard could be a possible Osama suspect, right? Oh come on, you know I’m right! I’m not trying to stir up an anti-Islam controversy here, but, its true! So, add to that predicament, a US navy seal hunting down Osama Bin Laden – its gotta be tough…there had to be some shred of doubt!

How do we know it was the real Osama that they got? There are rumours / conspiracy theories brewing all around – its election time and Obama needed something to get re-elected. Or why they decided to dump the body in the middle of the ocean rather than hold the body as proof? My own version is ‘what if the guy just died of old age and nobody really noticed?’. I mean, its plausible! The guy wasn’t exactly young when the WTC incident happened over a decade ago. He had been living in caves around Afghanistan all these years – am sure that must’ve not done his body any good – arthritis, spondilitis, osteoporosis…or just plain old age?!?! Anything could’ve got him before the US navy seals got to him! Whatever maybe the case, the US citizens are happy, and they are celebrating!

The explanation at the moment is that Osama wasn’t living in caves, but in a huge resort-ish accommodation in Abbottabad, Pakistan! Plush locales and a house at least 8 times bigger than all the other houses around! That doesn’t really sound to me like a guy trying to lay low! Frankly, that sounds more like a guy who’d want to feature on the erstwhile ‘Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous’ or ‘MTV Cribs’ if you ask me!!! Think about it!

MTV Cribs Anchor: Today, we’re headed to the house of Bin Laden…my main man!
OBL: Yo yo yo! Wassup, homie?!
Anchor: So, where do we head to first, brotha?
OBL: Hmmm…lets see…ok…lets start with my favourite room in the house…the gas chamber! Used to be a useless friggin’ sauna room! Now you tell me, we live in the sub-continent, do we really need a sauna here – I say, “hell no! just step out of the house for 15 mins you lazy sons of bitches!!!”. So, with a few minor tweaks from my trusted operatives, this room now actually serves a purpose!
(Hail Osssssssssama…we hear a chant in the background)…
Anchor: Ok…but, Osama, maybe you’d wanna remove that yankee lying there before we air this back in the US, bro!
OBL: Ahhh…but I thought the yankee completed the look of the room!
Anchor: What next? Lets move to your garage and check out your rides, yo?
OBL: A’ight! First up, the US Battle tank – my man Bush hooked me up with this when we were dissin’ those Russians in the epic ‘Yo Mama’ campaign back in the day! Bad mileage, but it sure works with them ladies! ;)
(Hail Osssssssssama…we hear again in the background)…
Anchor: Sure looks like it! And what’s that – a humvey?
OBL: You do know your rides, dawg!!! Traded that in for a bunch of camels!

Anyway, you get the drift! My apologies but I don’t know why Osama came out sounding like an African American rap star. Its probably because all the MTV Cribs episodes that I’ve seen featured some random rapper ‘from the hood’! The point is, even when Saddam Hussein was captured, he wasn’t really living in style! The US soldiers ratted him out from some hole in the ground!!! Compared to Saddam, Osama sure did live it up! The Pakistani government isn’t saying much, and from what I read from the news reports, they were told about this whole covert op only after it was finished! Figures!!! I wonder how things would’ve turned out if the Pakistani soldiers joined in to lend a hand:

US Navy Seal: We have strong intel that our target is in hiding in Abbottabad, Pakistan.
Pakistani Soldier: Bismilah-e-remhan-e-rahim! Nahin, janaab! Abbottabad is where we are having a strong army base! No Osama there!
Seal: Its confirmed intel, soldier! He’s hiding in a resort 5 clicks from your Army base!
Pakistani Soldier: Arrey, nahin janaab! Impossible! Are you willing to put some money on that?
Seal: Excuse me???
Pakistani Soldier: These days we just don’t do anything if there’s no money riding on it! Ask Sepoy Asif here! He used to take money just to run 2 extra inches to bowl a no ball in a cricket match…and you want us to march our asses all the way to Abbottabad for nothing?
Seal: This is crazy! I don’t watch cricket! Either way, we’re going there! Round up your troops – we march at 2300 hrs.
Pakistani Solider: Na janaab! 11 baje to hum sab Hindi serial dekhte hain. Ek kaam karein, aap aage niklein! Hum serial khatam hote hi aapke peeche peeche aate hain! Changa, janaab?
Seal: Screw you guys! I think we’ll just take this up on our own!!!!

So, what’s your take, folks? You think they got the right man? Any chance the Americans shot the wrong dude! For one, can Noore make a public appearance to settle my doubts about his safety? Meanwhile, let the American public rejoice at their $ 1.3 trillion being well spent!