The Next Gen Green Revolution

‘GO GREEN’ reads almost every flyer, every email, every article, every poster one sees around! Pune being one of the IT hubs, the slogan hits you almost everywhere you look! One can’t even go to the toilet anymore without being reminded of it – Ah! the plush toilets of the Indian IT company! Long gone are the days of “yethe thukku naka”. The employee has cleaned up his act, and the stains and stench of paan no longer rule our world. The company Facilities Department have moved on as well. The “Do not spit here” signs from the toilet have now been replaced by “Do not waste natural resources – preserve paper and water”. May not be the most apt place to put up such a sign, but, what the hell, its not my place to judge! Getting back to the topic, GREEN is the new catch word! GREEN is the colour to be. Envy? Nah, your jealousy can take on another colour – just make it “orange with envy” for all I care! ‘Cos today, GREEN is GOOD! GREEN is IN!

The latest to step on to the green bandwagon are the tea makers. The latest entrant to their wonderful world of fragrances and flavours – Green Tea! What are the two most used catch-phrases today – GREEN and HEALTHY. I mean our generation is obsessed with anything healthy! You could even sell shampoo to that naive ignorant customer if your shampoo had “HEALTHY” stamped on the bottle somewhere! I can just imagine the whole advertising campaign built around this product – Introducing the new improved (that was what advertisers used before ‘green’ and ‘healthy’ burst onto the scene) All Clear Shampoo with jojoba health extracts! Removes dandruff while in your hair, and reduces your body fat while you wash it off.” And just to make that sound a little more convincing, get a Katrina Kaif to prance around in her Shiela avatar! Trust me, your shampoo would sell!

So, the tea makers of Darjeeling (or was it China???) have combined both these catch-phrases and brought in the revolutionary ‘Green Tea’ concept. Its quite the fad right now! Look around! You go to a high tea at your neighbours place, its not just ‘chai’ waiting for you - you are flooded with a barrage of tea bags to choose from. There’s the Darjeeling tea, the lemon and green tea, the green tea and mint, Camomile tea, and my personal favourite (fad name-wise that is), the herbal tea. Reminds me of when my dad once stepped into Starbucks and ordered ‘a coffee’. “What’s that, sir?” :)

Now, it would be fun if someone’s granny (preferably a little hard of hearing) went to one of these soirees…(excuse my Punjabi)…

Granny: Puttar, mainu ik chaa chaidi ae… (Son, I need a cup of tea.)
Servant: Maaji, kaunsi chai? (What tea?)
Granny: Kaunsi chaa? Chaa nahi haigi twaade kol? Dolly ne to sannu chaa de waaste bulaya si! (You don’t have tea? Dolly had called us over for tea!)
Servant: Maaji, kaunsi chai doon aapko? Green tea? (What tea would you like? Green Tea?)
Granny: Khotte…chaa hari kaddon hon lagi??? (Idiot! When did tea become green?)
Servant: Maaji, hara rang nahin hai, green tea type ki chai hai…(the tea isn’t green in colour, its just the type of tea)
Granny: Kiiiiiii??? (Whattttt???)
Servant: Maaji, Camomile tea bhi hai. Woh doon? (We also have Camomile tea, can I offer you that?)
Granny: Oonth di chaa???? (Camel’s tea???)
Servant: Nahin, maaji. Cam-o-mile tea….(No…Cam-o-mile tea)
Granny: Phitte moo. Main tenu oonth vargi lagdi haan!!! Main ghar jaa rahi haan…(Forget it…I look like a camel to you!!! I’m going home!!!”)

Anyway, poor Granny goes back home without any tea, and Dolly aunty’s servant is left perplexed as to why Granny was so pissed off!

So, yeah, Green Tea! We’re all drinking loads of it in the hope that eat what we may, this miracle concoction will not only let us retain our trim waistlines, but also….DRUM ROLLLLLLL…..trim them further! “Bring on the chocolate cake, Maa! And yeah, get me a cup of green tea after!” Sound familiar??? Yes? That was me last night! How did you know - are you stalking me??? Now I know what the Gauls felt like when they drank that magic potion in the Asterix comic books. Who needs the hustle and bustle of gymnasiums…those strenuous workouts…the endless hours running on that boring treadmill like a freakin’ hamster??? All you need is green tea! It helps speed up your metabolism! Met-a-bolism, dude! Faster metabolism! Come on, you can’t go wrong with faster metabolism! That’s what you need to knock off those love handles! Wouldn’t it be wonderful – all the Gold Gyms and Talwalkars of the world getting rid of their heavy machinery and replacing them with tea dispensers! Low on capital investment and guaranteed results! After their hugely successful yoga DVDs, Shilpa and Lara coming out with a whole new series – “Make that perfect cup of tea…let Lara show you how”…or maybe even Arnold coming in for an ad or two showing off his abs (or whatever is left of them now) --- “Theees tea is waandarfool! I’ll be baaack…for some more!”

I wonder how well Twinnings is doing these days? I’m sure their sales figures have never looked better? What say? In a country traditionally obsessed with tea, comes this concept that’s making even the beer drinkers pick up a cup or two a day! Phew! The numbers must be staggering!!!